The Power of the SELF: The Foundation of Wellness

By Hillary Bassett, MD | Integrative Medicine Physician

Over the past year in our Villa Milagro newsletters, we’ve explored the pillars of wellness—Stillness, Nutrition, Movement, and Community. Each one plays an essential role in nurturing our health. Yet, at the heart of them all lies something even more fundamental: our relationship with our SELF.

Too often, we move through life attending to everyone and everything else—work, family, obligations—while our own inner world becomes an afterthought. But health and healing do not begin outside of us. They begin within. The way we relate to ourselves—our thoughts, our self-talk, our ability to pause and listen to our needs—shapes every aspect of our well-being.

Why SELF Matters: The Science Behind It

Modern science confirms what ancient wisdom traditions have always taught: chronic stress, shame, or self-criticism can disrupt our hormones, impair digestion, inflame our immune system, and disturb sleep. A growing body of research confirms what healers and contemplative traditions have long known: living with a strong sense of self and purpose protects our health.

A study of older adults published in The Journals of Gerontology (2016) found that individuals with a strong sense of purpose showed a reduced “epigenetic age”—essentially, their cells appeared biologically younger than their peers, and they were more likely to engage in healthy behaviors. Self-compassion has been linked to lower levels of cortisol and inflammation, and greater heart rate variability—a marker of nervous system resilience (Arch et al., Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2014). In other words, how we see and honor ourselves literally gets “written” into our biology.

The opposite is also true. When people feel trapped in roles or disconnected from their inner truth, they often experience what I call “silent dis-ease”—a chronic imbalance that may manifest as depression, anxiety, insomnia, or vague aches that elude medical explanation. Over time, this lack of integrity with the self can predispose to deeper physical disease.

Author and life coach Martha Beck speaks powerfully to this connection. She describes alignment as living in harmony with our essential self, and integrity as the bridge between inner truth and outer life. When we live out of integrity—saying “yes” when we mean “no,” hiding parts of ourselves, or pushing through life against our inner compass—the body eventually signals distress. But when we realign with authenticity, our physiology shifts and healing becomes possible.

Put simply: when we treat ourselves as worthy of love and care, our biology responds.

When We Lose Connection to the SELF

I’ve seen patients who devote decades to caring for everyone else—children, partners, parents, work—while their own identity quietly erodes. Without time to check in with themselves, they lose touch with what they enjoy, what they value, and what restores them.

One woman in her fifties came to me with fatigue, insomnia, digestive issues, and frequent infections. On paper, her labs were remarkably normal, but what stood out most was her complete lack of self-nourishment. She kept herself perpetually busy, skipped meals, said “yes” to every request at work, and deeply believed that putting herself first would be selfish. Over time, this neglect translated into metabolic strain, immune dysfunction, and profound exhaustion.

Her healing began not with a supplement or prescription, but with the radical practice of reconnecting with her SELF— slowing down, honoring hunger, setting boundaries, and relearning rest. Within months, her energy, sleep, and vitality improved.

Practices to Nurture the SELF

Cultivating a healthy relationship with the SELF is not about ego or indulgence—it’s about alignment. Here are a few ways to practice:

●      Pause and Listen: Each day, check in with yourself as you would a dear friend. Ask: What do I need right now—rest, nourishment, movement, connection?

●      Reframe Self-Talk: Notice when your inner voice is harsh. Replace it with the words you’d offer someone you love.

●      Protect Boundaries: Saying “no” to what drains you is saying “yes” to your vitality.

●      Celebrate Your Wholeness: Instead of striving for perfection, honor the progress and resilience within you.

SELF as the Root of All Other Pillars

When we are in aligned relationship with ourselves, Stillness feels accessible, because we are not running from our own thoughts. Nutrition becomes intuitive, because we listen to what truly nourishes us. Movement becomes joyful, not punishing. And Community becomes more authentic, because we can give and receive from a place of fullness rather than depletion.

The journey of wellness begins at the center—with the SELF. At Villa Milagro, we invite you to use this sacred space as a mirror, a reminder that your inner relationship is the foundation of your outer experience. When you return home, may you carry this truth with you: caring for yourself is not selfish—it is essential.

Hillary Bassett, MD, IFMCP is a licensed and board-certified physician specializing in Integrative, Functional and Longevity Medicine. At The Heart of Wellness, she partners with her patients to achieve optimal wellness through deep connection, advanced testing, root-cause resolution and cutting-edge approaches to longevity. She cares for patients residing in California, in person and virtually. You can learn more at  www.theheartofwellness.net  or follow her practice on IG @heart.of.wellness